Lessons through and through

it's so unfair when life lets you get through an unfair situation. A situation where you have nobody to hang on to, to redeem your honor and dignity. But the worst part is knowing that someone will be there for you but turned out to be just a wishful thinking -- a shadow hanging on watching you fall and get whisked and drowned.

When you thought you knew everything, then you'll know you knew nothing. When you though that life will treat you kindly, then you'll realize life isn't easy. I have been to a very nasty emotional situation years ago. So nasty and so complex that it still haunts me even today.

People would say, it'll make you stronger having gone through such. Say this, say that.... they do go on. Like they knew what I've been through! But did I? I come face to face with my own feelings. Hard as it may had been. I know I've learned a lot. I learned that life has it's own ways of getting you into trouble. I've learned that friends, no matter how much you care for them, will betray you. Not all though. Only those with their own selfish reasons and motives. And the deeper the friendship, the deeper is the pain of betrayal. I've learned that not all people will like you. You learn, and you learn, and you learn.

Finally, when the clock stops ticking, moments of realization kick in. I've learned a lot but have I learned to deal with the pain it caused me? Then you sit, trying to fathom and ponder: have i really learned a lesson? Or have I just agreed to accept these consequences just to get through the pain?

Have I really learned my lesson? Or have I just accepted things the way they are as they come into my life? I knew I learned a lot. But I never learned how to let go of the pain. And that's the saddest part of it all.

some silly stuffs

I haven't posted in here for like ages. I know I have to, I just can't take the time to do so. I'm wondering if it's because of my hectic schedule or it's just that I am beginning to forget that I have to manage my time.

I've been through a lot lately. There are moments. I have my moments of being sad -- not knowing what lies ahead for me (remember, I'm currently a SAHM), my husband (who's a SAHD too), and for us as a family. I had my surprising moments -- those times when you least expect something (finally got a casual job doing basic research). Then just the ordinary but that's-what-life-is moments. This I experience everyday.

I previously have calls from different jobs I've applied to. HR representatives would interview you and try to understand the technicalities of your previous works. I just get annoyed when I catch them trying too hard to mask their 'i-don't-get-you' look based from the tone of their voice during phone interviews. I just wonder when will I get THAT job. The job that will lead me to where I wanted to be. Well, I'm writing silly stuffs now.

Tristan and I are headed to the Philippines again. Now, now, I think my son is beginning to like travelling too. haha! I'm beginning to think, probably Tristan is just like me --- loving Philippines. For Tristan, he has to. He needs to stay in a humid country due to his skin condition.

That led me to at least believe that there's a reason for everything. Maybe that's the reason why I still haven't landed on the job that will anchor me in NZ for at least 3 years.

So off we go again to the Philippines. Spend christmas holidays. new year's day. valentine's day. Hopefully not the holy week.

Tristan turns ONE

They say 7 July 2007 is the luckiest day of the year.

It was Tristan's first birthday. Luckily, 7/7 fell on a saturday; no need to celebrate his birthday on any other days. His birthday was well-prepared for. Perry and I even went to Divi to buy his balloons, give-aways, and other party needs.

On the day itself, we were all aghast and saddened by the sudden downpour of rain minutes before the party starts. The rain continued to pour for an hour. So, we have to start with the party with all the drizzles.

Luckily, we've hired a good photographer, who took these memorable photos; a funny magician, who was able to draw the crowds together with his wit and magics; a delicous meal served by the caterers; and lots of kids (with their parents) who didn't mind the rain and instead had a good time.

It's a lucky day indeed. ;)

http://annsalvador.multiply.com/photos/album/10

Cramming

I'm so cramped up with "paperworks" and having to beat deadlines is the last thing i want to hear... and even realize. Reality bites and even chews you up if you won't mind.

I never thought it'll be this tough having to concentrate on doing research works with a crying baby on one hand and a needing husband on the other. I used to have all my time when doing research works BEFORE. Well, well now it's TOTALLY different. And I wonder how those married people or people with babies get to rank among the top ten in a law board exam! I mean, please tell me how you guys do it?!

Anyway, I just hope I finish these paperworks before their duedates....or else I'm dead.

On a lighter note. I still haven't finished posting Tristan's birthday photos. Blame it on my jampacked schedule (for the whole year!). Still, when Tristan's having his nap, I managed to sneak and load some photos on my friendster account (http://annsalvador.multiply.com/photos/album/10/Tristan_turns_ONE). READ: this is yet to be continued. Do pray that I get that lucky again to turn up infront of the laptop and do some uploading.