Lessons through and through

it's so unfair when life lets you get through an unfair situation. A situation where you have nobody to hang on to, to redeem your honor and dignity. But the worst part is knowing that someone will be there for you but turned out to be just a wishful thinking -- a shadow hanging on watching you fall and get whisked and drowned.

When you thought you knew everything, then you'll know you knew nothing. When you though that life will treat you kindly, then you'll realize life isn't easy. I have been to a very nasty emotional situation years ago. So nasty and so complex that it still haunts me even today.

People would say, it'll make you stronger having gone through such. Say this, say that.... they do go on. Like they knew what I've been through! But did I? I come face to face with my own feelings. Hard as it may had been. I know I've learned a lot. I learned that life has it's own ways of getting you into trouble. I've learned that friends, no matter how much you care for them, will betray you. Not all though. Only those with their own selfish reasons and motives. And the deeper the friendship, the deeper is the pain of betrayal. I've learned that not all people will like you. You learn, and you learn, and you learn.

Finally, when the clock stops ticking, moments of realization kick in. I've learned a lot but have I learned to deal with the pain it caused me? Then you sit, trying to fathom and ponder: have i really learned a lesson? Or have I just agreed to accept these consequences just to get through the pain?

Have I really learned my lesson? Or have I just accepted things the way they are as they come into my life? I knew I learned a lot. But I never learned how to let go of the pain. And that's the saddest part of it all.