November

I've always looked forward to your letters and emails, since the day you gave me that ring and promised me you'll wait for me. Did I understand the message you were conveying? Or was it just me who hoped that we'll be together forever?

It was getting dark. Finally, a day less and we'll see each other again. I look forward to tomorrow, knowing that an email from you awaits at my mailbox. I tenderly tucked myself to sleep. A smile on my face could not utterly be transfixed. I pray to God that tomorrow, I'm another day closer to you.

I gleefully waited for your email at the break of dawn. I have a cup of coffee and sitting by the porch, I waited patiently for the postman to pass by and deliver your letter. Perhaps not today. I can still wait for tomorrow.

I managed to wait for two more weeks. Instead, I was getting some funny feelings and began having doubts. What has happened? Why haven't you written? I asked you this each day hoping to hear back. I promise myself whatever it is long as you write back.

Then one day, ten days before our anniversay, I finally received an email. I even thought it's weird, but nevertheless, I was so happy and ecstatic that you did remember me.

Like a little girl, I jumped joyfully infront of the computer; so happy, I can't even wait to open your email and read what you've got for me. The same smile I had days ago, was again stamped on my face coupled with a spark on my eyes. I just can't wait to hear from you!

Then there it is. You have to say your goodbye. Saying you still love me but have to let go. It was blurry. Suddenly, I felt numb on my seat, not knowing if this is really true or just a dream.

A few days after I found out you that you left me for my ex-friend. You could just imagine how I felt when I found out about it. I never thought you'll hurt me so much so like you never loved me. Did you really? I couldn't help thinking that if I hadn't left, would I be the one you loved and not her?

This I need to know.... did you really, at one point in time, love me back? Or was it just an illusion I have lived with, just like the promises you once pledged were meaningless?

You never read my reply to your email. I just hoped you did. I promised I'll be back and see you for the coming month. I guess it's now too late.