Long distance

I still don't want to entertain the thought of just Tristan and I travelling to the Philippines in a week's time. I don't want to think about P and me living separately with that stretch of miles and miles of water between us. Again. For the nth time.

P and I had a long distance relationship when we were still in a GF-BF relationship. I would reckon that the almost 1o years of being a couple were spent away from each other. And it's excruciatingly difficult. The distance just makes me crazy. We never anticipated that we'll be away from each other again this time, for months. When we got married, we somehow implicitly made a vow that we'll be together wherever we go.

It's sad to realize that when your child's condition depends on this decision, you're left with no choice but succumb to it.

Maybe I have this phobia of long distance relationships. I was against it. The first time I went here with my family, I wanted to break up with P then. I just don't believe in long distance relationships. We'll be miles away from each other and I won't be back to the Philippines until I finish my studies (that's 3 years).

It doesn't appeal to me. And I know for a reason that its imperative for guys to have their GFs near them. Proximity is important, a guy friend told me that. However, P was so insistent that he'll wait for me. He was just so adamant with not breaking up. But since I was sure that I love him, I agreed to his proposition.

Those two years changed me a lot. Our relationship had their shares of ups and downs. The worst however happened when we were about to celebrate our 2nd anniversary. Well, it didn't happen because P have to break up with me. He said in his email hindi na niya kaya. Oh shit! I kept telling myself, "You see, I told you so!!". I think that moment scarred my life forever.

It's so painful when things go awry. And it becomes deadly painful when you come to know the real reason behind that break up. And you become bitter when someone you considered a friend betrays you to the fullest, most unimaginable way by stealing your BF while you're away (in a manner, which I deemed was carefully thought of, planned and executed by the girl).

Now those thoughts are visiting my mind again. I only wish we would remain strong this time. I have high hopes on that. Hmmm.....